Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
