absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
