Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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