So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
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Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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