i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
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