We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
