I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
