Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
