Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
