Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
