dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
