i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
