let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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