I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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