GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
