Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
