DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
