In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
