I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
