Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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