she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
