well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
