you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
