we have officially lost it.
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
