I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
