that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
