hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
