Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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