Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
