god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
