How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
