I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
