She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
