I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
