she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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