hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
