how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
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I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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