:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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