Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
