Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
