I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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