dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
