Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
