I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
