I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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