We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
