I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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