allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
