told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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