I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
