using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
