eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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