....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
