Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
