just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize