Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
