I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
