how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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