how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
