You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
