Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
