What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
