so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
