i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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