Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
