I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
