apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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