He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize