I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
