is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
