Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
