State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
