Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
