I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
