Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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