I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
