he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
