Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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