Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
