apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
